[Vision2020] Hoping for Knockout Punch, CIA Sends JP Morgan Execs to Infiltrate Al-Qaeda

[Art Deco]

 May 14, 2012 Hoping for Knockout Punch, CIA Sends JP Morgan Execs to
Infiltrate Al-Qaeda Terror Org Posts Huge Losses

WASHINGTON (*The Borowitz
Report<http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=74e3e8132c&e=8ba6febced>
*) – In a covert mission designed to destroy what remains of al-Qaeda, the
CIA has been infiltrating the terror network with executives from JP Morgan
Chase, the banking giant.

The mission, which the intelligence agency had hoped to keep secret, came
to light this week when al-Qaeda dismissed two of its top officials who it
said were responsible for “unacceptably speculative” betting of the terror
net’s funds on credit default swaps.

Across the intelligence community, the dismissals caught the attention of
analysts, who thought such risky behavior seemed out of character for
al-Qaeda.

“The first thing I thought was, this sounds more like the work of JP
Morgan,” one analyst said, speaking on condition of anonymity.  “Al-Qaeda
has a reputation for being madmen, but even for them these investments were
crazy.”

Pressed about the covert mission, CIA Director David Petraeus confirmed
today that it had been a resounding success, telling reporters, “If you’re
serious about putting someone out of business, there’s no one better than
these JP Morgan guys.  One of them can do more damage than a thousand drone
strikes.”

But Gen. Petraeus may have spoken too soon, as the official al-Qaeda
website today claimed that the terror organization was on the brink of
getting a “major financial bailout package” from a consortium of state
sponsors of terrorism such as Iran and North Korea.

“Al-Qaeda is too big to fail,” the website said.

-- 




Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)
art.deco.studios at gmail.com
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