[Vision2020] New Rules from "Real time With Bill Maher" (March 23, 2007)

[Tom Hansen]

New Rules from "Real time With Bill Maher" (March 23, 2007)

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New Rule: If he wants my vote, Barack Obama has to stop smiling so much and
show me his "war" face. I can't tell if you're selling me your candidacy or
Crest White Strips. I'm just looking out for you, Barack, because it's not
just an old wives' tale; if you fake too many smiles, your face can get
stuck. [slide shown of Hillary Clinton with awkward expression on her face] 

New Rule: When you boost stamp prices, you have to raise them to an even
number. Who goes to the post office? Old people. How long is it going to
take each of them to fish out the extra pennies? All the time ever in
history. And then, when will they play tennis? 

And finally, New Rule: Traitors don't get to question my patriotism. What
could be less patriotic than constantly screwing things up for America? You
know, it's literally hard to keep up with the sheer volume of scandals in
the Bush Administration. Which is why I like to download the latest scandal
right onto my iPod. That way, I can catch up on this week's giant foul-up on
my drive in to work. In fact, Bush has so many scandals, he could open a
chain of "Bush Scandal and Foul-up" theme restaurants. "Ooh, should I get
the Harriet Miers meatloaf or the Katrina crab cakes? 

You know, not to generalize, but the 29% of people who still support
President Bush are the ones who love to pronounce themselves more patriotic
than the rest of us.  

And, indeed, the party that flatters itself that they protect America better
is the party that has exhausted the military, left the ports wide open and
purposefully outed a CIA agent, Valerie Plame.

That's not treason anymore? Outing a spy? Did I mention it was one of our
spies? And how despicable that Bush's lackeys attempted to diminish this
crime by belittling her service, like she was just some chick who hung
around the CIA. "An intern, really. Groupie, if you want to be mean about
it." 

No. Big lie. Valerie Plame was the CIA's operational officer in charge of
counter-proliferation. Which means she tracked loose nukes. So, when Bush
said, as he once did, that his absolute, number-one priority was preventing
terrorists from getting loose nukes, okay, that's what she worked on. That's
what she devoted her life to, staying undercover for 20 years, maintaining
two identities every goddamn day. This is extraordinary service to your
country. 

Valerie Plame was the kind of real-life secret agent George Bush dreams of
being when he's not too busy pretending to be a cowboy or a fighter pilot. 

CIA agents are troops. This was a military assassination of one of our own,
done through the press, ordered by Karl Rove. He said, of Valerie Plame,
quote, "She's fair game." And then Cheney shot her. 

George Bush likes to claim that he doesn't question his critics' patriotism,
just their judgment. Well, let me be the first of your critics, Mr.
President, to question your judgment and your patriotism. Because, let's not
forget why they did it to her. Because Valerie Plame was married to this
guy, Joe Wilson, who the Bush people hated because he busted them on one of
their bullshit reasons for invading Iraq. 

He was sent to the African country of Niger to see if Niger was selling
nuclear fuel to Iraq. They weren't. It was bullshit, and he said so. In
fact, his report was called, "Niger, Please!" 

Valerie Plame's husband told the truth about their lie, so they were willing
to jeopardize an entire network of spies to ruin her life. Wow, even the mob
doesn't go after your family. 

Mark Twain said, "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and
your government when it deserves it." And I say Valerie Plame is a patriot
because she spent her life serving her country. Scooter Libby is not,
because he spent his life serving Dick Cheney. 

Valerie Plame kept her secrets. The Bush Administration leaked like the
plumbing at Walter Reed. 

In the year, 2008, I really think that Hillary Clinton should run for
president on a platform of "restoring honor and integrity to the Oval
Office."

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Seeya at the polls, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"As more and more heathens 'choose' to not have children the number of Godly
souls will increase. If the number of Christian births out number the number
of Islamic births the battle will be over in 3 or 4 generations."

- Doug "No-Clue" Farris (March 10, 2007)