[Vision2020] Re: Well, It ain't plumbing

[Joan Opyr]

As is well-known from Auntie Establishment's biography (as posted on my website), I find the public display of butt-cracks an egregious offense to good taste, good looks, and good social order.  I'm not bothered, however, by the display of underwear.  Show your boxer shorts all you like!  Let's get a glimpse of that Victoria's Secret brassiere!  Underwear is great!  Underwear is good!  Even when it's displayed as outerwear.  To this, I say, so what?  No doubt when that Republican coot in Virginia sits down, the tops of his cheap, black nylon socks are on full display to all and sundry, as is a two-inch stretch of the blinding white leg above.  I know these sanctimonious Southern gent-types and their proclivity for wearing ill-fitting polyester trousers; I grew up with them, and I blame them in part for my poor eyesight.  I was blinded at an early age by the gratuitous summertime display of their lily-white legs in paisley Bermuda shorts.

No, I don't mind underwear.  What I don't want to see are:

1) Your butt-crack.
2) Your pot-belly.
3) Your long nasal hairs.
4) Any long hairs that might be protruding from your ears.  And,  
5) You balding men out there who are unable to love yourselves as you are  Get thee to a therapist and then to a good hairdresser.  Why?  Because I don't want to see your long, fooling-no-one, thick-tendril comb-overs anymore.  Just stop it.  Do what the smart gay men do -- get all of your remaining hair cut very, very short.  This has the queer (if you'll excuse the expression) effect of making you look like you have more hair, not less.  No kidding.

So, no, Dave, I won't be generating a petition in Idaho re: underwear.  Unfortunately, I despair of ever being able to enact any of my various prejudices into law.  Butt-cracks will continue to smile at me vertically from low-cut jeans; pot-bellied men will take off their shirts in the summer heat.  Nose hairs will sprout from nostrils like kudzu from a Southern ditch.  And bald men will continue to let the hair grow over (and out of) their ears until it turns into squid-like tentacles that they can pull over their naked scalps and plaster into place with God-knows-what kind of terrifying hair paste.

Why, why, why?!  Only God and Vitalis know the answer.

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
www.auntie-establishment.com

----- Original Message -----
From: David M. Budge
Sent: Tuesday, February 08, 2005 9:05 PM
To: Vision2020 Moscow; Joan Opyr
Subject: Well, It ain't plumbing

..but it's a start.   

Joan,

Time to start a petition?

Dave Budge

Underwear Police? Virginians May Be Fined For Low-Cut Pants
People Would Face $50 Fine
POSTED: 7:14 am EST February 8, 2005
RICHMOND, Va. -- A Norfolk, Va., legislator says the droopy-drawers bill may be his legacy.  
   SURVEY
Should a state have the right to fine people whose underwear show above their pants?  
Yes, it's indecent.
No, that would be a violation of Americans' freedoms.
No, it would be too difficult to enforce. Who decides what's indecent?
  
Results | Disclaimer

The Virginia House of Delegates has tentatively approved a bill to crack down on people who wear low-riding pants.  


Discussion:Fined For Low-Cut Pants?  


Freshman Norfolk Delegate Algie Howell Jr. introduced the bill at the urging of constituents who are offended by the exposed underwear.  

Howell said, "That's why they're called undergarments. They're supposed to be worn under something else." Delegates approved a measure that would allow police to assess a $50 fine on anyone who exposes their below-waist underpants in a "lewd or indecent manner." Howell said that since he introduced it last month, he's been deluged with calls and e-mails about the issue, mostly positive. Howell told The Virginian-Pilot that he kept hearing from customers in his barber shop that something needed to be done about young people who wear their pants around their knees, exposing their underwear. When a House subcommittee took up the matter, the response was sympathetic yet skeptical because of legal issues. It's going to the House floor for a vote.Get more from the Web.  FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
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