[Vision2020] Hedberg Column: LMT

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 09:12:09 -0700

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UP FRONT/COMMENTARY:KATHY HEDBERG ... Maybe same-sex union isn't so dangerous

Hedberg is an Idaho County journalist.
When people want to test how tolerant you really are, they pose a question like
this:

"So what would YOU do if your son/daughter announced he/she was gay and planned
to marry his/her partner?

The idea is that even people who say they're all for equal rights might draw the
line when it comes to integrating their own families.

It's the same question people posed decades ago when interracial marriages were
the big scandal of the time. The situation was wonderfully dramatized in the
1967 movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner."

Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn were dedicated liberals until their daughter
brought Sidney Poitier home and announced she was going to marry him. The
characters played by Spencer and Katherine were all for civil rights, but the
issue took on a different hue when it came to intermingling their own bloodline.

In my extended family circle, we have already dealt with both the interracial
and the same-sex partnership thing. I have a lot of sympathy for parents when
their children start checking out the mate market. God knows what kind of
riffraff they might drag in.

Consider the problems dealing with future in-laws who have these
characteristics:

1. Bad personalities.

Families can be totally upended when a child hooks up with a mate who is surly,
arrogant and disrespectful. Everyone walks on eggshells for a while, trying to
preserve the peace, but eventually the fireworks erupt, and that's when parents
start regretting they didn't consider a convent or military school when the
child was much younger.

2. Poor sports.

How much family heartache is related to in-laws who pout and sulk when they lose
at card games? How many fist fights are related to a Monopoly game gone bad?
Poor sports can spoil family get-togethers for years.

3. Cross politics.

I consider myself a fairly tolerant person. I can put up with a lot of
idiosyncrasies. But I would have a pretty tough time putting on a pleasant face
if my sons or daughter brought home a Republican.

4. Peculiar eating habits.

What do you do if the future son or daughter-in-law refuses to eat Grandma's
traditional Christmas head cheese or blood pudding? It's not just a matter of
being rude. It's an issue of maintaining a family tradition.

5. Son/daughter-in-law is an environmentalist/redneck.

I know a woman who ended up in psychotherapy after she found out her
daughter-in-law was a member of Earth First! I, frankly, would have a hard time
welcoming any future in-law who drove a pickup truck with mudflaps that showed a
silhouette of a naked woman.

There are plenty of reasons parents need to be concerned when their children
start thinking about committed relationships. Personally, I think mixed races or
same-sex partnerships are the least worrisome of the lot.

------ 

Hedberg may be contacted at khedberg @lmtribune.com

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<H1>UP FRONT/COMMENTARY:KATHY HEDBERG ... Maybe same-sex union isn't so=20
dangerous</H1><BR>
<ADDRESS>Hedberg is an Idaho County journalist.</ADDRESS>
<P>When people want to test how tolerant you really =
are, they=20
pose a question like this:=20
<P>"So what would YOU do if your son/daughter announced he/she was gay =
and=20
planned to marry his/her partner?=20
<P>The idea is that even people who say they're all for equal rights =
might draw=20
the line when it comes to integrating their own families.=20
<P>It's the same question people posed decades ago when interracial =
marriages=20
were the big scandal of the time. The situation was wonderfully =
dramatized in=20
the 1967 movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner."=20
<P>Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn were dedicated liberals until =
their=20
daughter brought Sidney Poitier home and announced she was going to =
marry him.=20
The characters played by Spencer and Katherine were all for civil =
rights, but=20
the issue took on a different hue when it came to intermingling their =
own=20
bloodline.=20
<P>In my extended family circle, we have already dealt with both the =
interracial=20
and the same-sex partnership thing. I have a lot of sympathy for parents =
when=20
their children start checking out the mate market. God knows what kind =
of=20
riffraff they might drag in.=20
<P>Consider the problems dealing with future in-laws who have these=20
characteristics:=20
<P>1. Bad personalities.=20
<P>Families can be totally upended when a child hooks up with a mate who =
is=20
surly, arrogant and disrespectful. Everyone walks on eggshells for a =
while,=20
trying to preserve the peace, but eventually the fireworks erupt, and =
that's=20
when parents start regretting they didn't consider a convent or military =
school=20
when the child was much younger.=20
<P>2. Poor sports.=20
<P>How much family heartache is related to in-laws who pout and sulk =
when they=20
lose at card games? How many fist fights are related to a Monopoly game =
gone=20
bad? Poor sports can spoil family get-togethers for years.=20
<P>3. Cross politics.=20
<P>I consider myself a fairly tolerant person. I can put up with a lot =
of=20
idiosyncrasies. But I would have a pretty tough time putting on a =
pleasant face=20
if my sons or daughter brought home a Republican.=20
<P>4. Peculiar eating habits.=20
<P>What do you do if the future son or daughter-in-law refuses to eat =
Grandma's=20
traditional Christmas head cheese or blood pudding? It's not just a =
matter of=20
being rude. It's an issue of maintaining a family tradition.=20
<P>5. Son/daughter-in-law is an environmentalist/redneck.=20
<P>I know a woman who ended up in psychotherapy after she found out her=20
daughter-in-law was a member of Earth First! I, frankly, would have a =
hard time=20
welcoming any future in-law who drove a pickup truck with mudflaps that =
showed a=20
silhouette of a naked woman.=20
<P>There are plenty of reasons parents need to be concerned when their =
children=20
start thinking about committed relationships. Personally, I think mixed =
races or=20
same-sex partnerships are the least worrisome of the lot.=20
<P>------=20
<P><I>Hedberg may be contacted at</I> khedberg @lmtribune.com=20
</P></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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