[Vision2020] Al Franken's new book (Excerpt)

[Ted Moffett]

Luke et. al.

Luke, really, how can you dispute the authenticity?  There are revelations 
from God here!  The perfect voice of truth has spoken directly and no amount 
of fact or logic can challenge this source!  Oh, you mean to suggest we 
should sometimes be skeptical when there is a claim of being directly 
insprired by God?

Why, the whole world is coming undone:  Luke is now a skeptic about the 
voice of God!

Ted


 >From: "Luke" <lukenieuwsma@softhome.net>
>To: "vision2020" <vision2020@moscow.com>, jasonm8yer@moscow.com
>Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Al Franken's new book (Excerpt)
>Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 15:56:09 -0700
>
>Dear Visionaires,
>Is this Wambler Stambler under yet another guise? Who else uses so many
>caps?
>
>Random happy thoughts,
>Luke Nieuwsma
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: <jasonm8yer@moscow.com>
>To: <vision2020@moscow.com>
>Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2003 2:30 PM
>Subject: [Vision2020] Al Franken's new book (Excerpt)
>
>
> > Enjoy/Discuss/Debate
> >
> > An excerpt from
> > LIES: And the Lying Liars Who Them--A Fair and Balanced Look at the 
>Right
> > by Al Franken
> >
> >
> > ************
> > INTRODUCTION
> > ************
> >
> > God chose me to write this book.
> >
> > Just the fact that you are reading this is proof not just of God's
> > existence, but also of His/Her/Its beneficence. That's right. I am not
> > certain of God's precise gender. But I am certain that He/She/It chose 
>me
>to
> > write this book.
> >
> > This isn't hubris. I'm not saying this in an egotistical way. God didn't
> > choose me because I'm the greatest writer who ever lived. That was 
>William
> > Shakespeare, whose work I have a passing familiarity with. No. I just
> > happened to be the right vessel at the right time. If something in this
>book
> > makes you laugh, it was God's joke. If something makes you think, it's
> > because God had a good point to make.
> >
> > The reason I know God chose me is because God spoke to me personally.
> >
> > God began our conversation by clearing something up. Some of George W.
> > Bush's friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president
>during
> > these times of trial. But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen
>Al
> > Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the
> > electoral college. "THAT WORKED FOR EVERYONE ELSE," God said.
> >
> > "What about Tilden?" I asked, referring to the 1876 debacle.
> >
> > "QUIET!" God snapped. God was angry.
> >
> > God said that after 9/11, George W. Bush squandered a unique moment of
> > national unity. That instead of rallying the country around a program of
> > mutual purpose and sacrifice, Bush cynically used the tragedy to 
>solidify
> > his political power and pursue an agenda that panders to his base and
>serves
> > the interests of his corporate backers.
> >
> > God told me that Bush squandered a $4.6 trillion surplus and is plunging
>us
> > into deficits as far as God can see. And that Bush squandered another
> > surplus. The surplus of goodwill from the rest of the world that he had
> > inherited from Bill Clinton.
> >
> > And this was pissing God off.
> >
> > He/She/It was right. But it sounded like a lot of work.
> >
> > "Look, God, I'm flattered, but I think you got the wrong guy. The kind 
>of
> > book you're talking about would require months of research."
> >
> > And God said, "LET THERE BE GOOGLE. AND LET THERE BE LEXISNEXIS."
> >
> > "Very funny, God. I use Google all the time."
> >
> > "YES, I KNOW," God said. "FOR HOT ASIAN TEENS."
> >
> > "You must be thinking of my son, Joe."
> >
> > "AL? I'M OMNISCIENT."
> >
> > "Okay, okay." I changed the subject. "It's just that I can't do this 
>book
> > myself."
> >
> > "LEAVE THAT TO ME," God boomed.
> >
> > And that's when Harvard called.
> >
> >
> > ***
> > Harvard's Kennedy School of Government asked me to serve as a fellow at
>its
> > Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics, and Public Policy. After my
> > varied and celebrated career in television, movies, publishing, and the
> > lucrative world of corporate speaking, being a fellow at Harvard seemed,
> > frankly, like a step down.
> >
> > I couldn't think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of
> > tomorrow's leaders, unless it was spending fireside evenings sipping
>sherry
> > with great minds at the Faculty Club. Yawn.
> >
> > To my surprise and delight, though, all Harvard wanted me to do was show
>up
> > every once in a while and write something about something. That gave me 
>an
> > idea.
> >
> > "Would it be okay if I wrote a scathingly partisan attack on the 
>rightwing
> > media and the Bush administration?"
> >
> > "No problem," Harvard said absentmindedly.
> >
> > "Count me in," I replied. "From now on call me 'Professor Franken.'"
> >
> > "No," Harvard said, "you're not a professor. But you can run a study 
>group
> > on the topic of your choosing."
> >
> > "Great," I said. "I've got the perfect topic: Write My Son's Harvard
>College
> > Application Essay."
> >
> > "No," they said. "Harvard students already know how to write successful
> > Harvard applications, Al. We want you to teach them something new."
> >
> > Harvard was right where I wanted it. "How about if the topic is: How to
> > Research My Book?"
> >
> > "Sure," Harvard said. "Most of our professors teach that course. Why, in
>the
> > Biochemistry department, most of the graduate level courses are-"
> >
> > Harvard was boring me. "I gotta run, Harvard. Thanks."
> >
> > ***
> >
> > I had my Nexis, I had my Google, I had my Harvard fellowship, and I had 
>my
> > fourteen research assistants. I sat down to write. Nothing.
> >
> > So I got on my knees and prayed for guidance. "How, God, can I best do
>Your
> > work through this book? Who, dear Lord, is the audience for a book like
> > this? And what's a good title?"
> >
> > God answered, "YOU KNOW THOSE SH***Y BOOKS BY ANN COULTER AND BERNIE
> > GOLDBERG?"
> >
> > "The best-sellers that claim there's a liberal bias in the media?" I
>asked.
> >
> > "TOTAL BULLS***," God said. "START BY ATTACKING THEM. HE'S CLEARLY A
> > DISGRUNTLED FORMER EMPLOYEE, AND SHE JUST LIES. BY THE WAY, THERE'S
> > SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH HER."
> >
> > "That's pretty obvious."
> >
> > "SO GO AFTER THEM, THE WHOLE LIBERAL BIAS MYTH, AND THEN GO AFTER THE
> > RIGHT-WING MEDIA. ESPECIALLY FOX."
> >
> > "Okay, God, I'm writing this down."
> >
> > "THEN USE THEM AS A JUMPING-OFF POINT TO GO AFTER BUSH. YOU KNOW, BIG 
>TAX
> > CUTS FOR THE RICH, SURGING UNEMPLOYMENT, IGNORING EVERYONE BUT HIS
>CORPORATE
> > BUDDIES, SCREWING THE ENVIRONMENT, PISSING OFF THE REST OF THE WORLD. 
>THAT
> > STUFF. AND THAT'S YOUR BOOK."
> >
> > "Got it. One last thing. Title."
> >
> > "HOW ABOUT BEARERS OF FALSE WITNESS AND THE FALSE WITNESS THAT THEY 
>BEAR?"
> >
> > "Hmm. I, uh, I'll work with that."
> >
> > --------------------------------------------
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------
> > This message was sent by First Step Internet.
> >            http://www.fsr.net/
> >
> >
> > _____________________________________________________
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>
>
>_____________________________________________________
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