[Vision2020] RE: Poly*

[Warren Hoskins]

Must note that human history is much, much longer than recorded human history, and that the great variety of human relationships around the planet reveal that "normal" relationships for mating and parenting vary rather widely from the expected practices of WASP America, or, for that matter, from African-America [since, surveys say, African-Americans by percentage are more likely to be believers and at least nominally participants in rather orthodox Christianity].  Melynda has it right, as far as I am concerned, and has set it forth honestly, and rather eloquently.
That said, I tend to believe that some sort of tribal structure is more "normal" for humanity, perhaps set up as the Native Americans of the plains have, with clans and tribes.  How Middle Eastern, too!  
These structures definitely impose onto the individual--arranged marriages are still the rule in large parts of the world, after all. The clan and the tribe set responsibilities, and there are customary practices ("customs") that reflect the mores, beliefs and the harsh realities of the life.  Incest is avoided.  Children are raised, often to better conditions than their foreparents.  Sometimes there has been polygamy--I don't know enough about matriarchal societies, of which there have been some large ones. There may be provision for cross-dressing, especially by spiritual leaders, warriors and widows, as well as young men undergoing rights of passage.  Sexual practices and tolerances may vary widely as well, although everyone tends to know everyone's business. Some tribes allow sexual practice before marriage.  (In pilgrim America, the bundling board was an interesting custom, don't you think? Maybe sex wasn't allowed, but couples could learn quite a bit in bed together without being forced into matrimony if the chemistry turned out not to be there.)
What happens if you consider the tribes of Judaism at the time of Jesus as his tribal structure? What if you wanted to live as Jesus? Wouldn't that mean adopting the marriage practices of his time?  If you expanded your search and looked at other tribes of that era, you might learn that there was more variety tolerated than we are familiar with today, some of it we would not want in this more "enlightened" time.  Although, having said that, there are groups referred to as "fundamentalist Mormons" who still practice polygyny, with often very young women being married by much older men, sometimes close blood relatives.  That's where a lot of the justified concern about abuse of women and children comes from.
I would imagine that in a tribal/clan where there is any prosperity at all, elders have more freedom and less restriction and may hang out however they wish. When times are hard, their lives may come to resemble slavery or outright neglect and abandonment.  Marriage may be hard to "survive," therefore and perhaps some of the horrible customs, of women being burned with the bodies of their deceased spouses, or of elders being abandoned to die in the wilderness, may stem from these situations when they are protracted.
So, by those kinds of considerations, contemporary American and European citizens are further from "normal" in their relationships and customs, including marriage, than the citizens of Iraq or Afghanistan, whose ancestors were in more than a few tussles with the patriarchs of the Bible--not that I am advocating changing in that direction for one second! In fact, I think America headed in the right direction only when women ceased to be denied the vote and ownership of property (thereby arriving at a position comparable to some of the Great Lakes native nations of three centuries ago--back to the future!). We still, as a culture, are missing something key--true respect for our elders.  And I don't just mean us older farts. A geezer doesn't necessarily have the mental clout, the head-wisdom of a wizened crone, in my humble experience.
Terry Pratchett says never underestimate the power of an old woman in a black dress [they are the ones who, after the battle, pick up the survivors and household goods, and get whoever is left alive off to safety in some other village--I would add that they were the ones who kept the family history and contacts when everyone else was too busy just surviving; or, the ones who simply kept the kettle on, and fed everyone, night after night, making do when there was next to nothing to survive on].  I seem to recall something about the value of the widow's mite, too.  
Who are we to say to the widow, love only as allowed by one church's set of laws?  We don't live (thank God) in a land under any one religion.  If we did, do you think an American "taliban" would be tolerant of freedom of speech, press, worship and assembly?  Bet that this conversation would be monitored and censored. One person's orthodoxy is another's heresy.   
Peace,Warren

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